Psalm 25 (King James Version)

[1] Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul.
[2] O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
[3] Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.

I grew up singing these verses in church. Now, I cry them out through the watches of the night. Since I couldn't sleep, I thought I'd find where they were and read the whole text from which they came. Tonight, I could only remember, "O my God, I trust in Thee. Let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me." So I looked it up online and was brought to Psalm 25. As soon as I read, "Unto Thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul," the tears came and I wept. Again.

It is true, I now carry a certain amount of sadness with me wherever I go. Have I said that before? I cannot remember. Anyway, it is a sadness I feel for Knox--a longing to have him back with us. I look at my own children, especially Asa, because he's the one of mine who is closest to Knox's age, and I am so greatful to have them (him) with me, but there is a sense of guilt there too that I cannot shed, because, I have him with me. Oh, the sadness I would bear if he were gone. I can only imagine it, yet, Jon and Rachel, Anne Michal, Lizzy, Emma and Jack bear this pain, this sadness, this hole in their lives everyday. How do those who don't know God get through something like this? My hope lies in God, in His word, and the promises He gives us there. I know that is where their hope lies also. Unto Thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in Thee. Let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me. These words are a salve to the open wound in my life and in my spirit. Yea, let none that wait on Thee be ashamed. O my God, I trust in Thee. Let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me. Over and over again, I cry out, "O my God, I trust in Thee. . ."

Here is the rest of Psalm 25. It ministered to me this night/morning. Take hold of the truths that lie in God's word, for truly, they are all we have and all we can ever know for sure. . .

[4] Show me thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths.
[5] Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
[6] Remember, O LORD, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they have been ever of old.
[7] Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O LORD.
[8] Good and upright is the LORD: therefore will he teach sinners in the way.
[9] The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way.
[10] All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
[11] For thy name's sake, O LORD, pardon mine iniquity; for it is great.
[12] What man is he that feareth the LORD? him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose.
[13] His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the earth.
[14] The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him; and he will show them his covenant.
[15] Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.
[16] Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.
[17] The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.
[18] Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
[19] Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred.
[20] O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee.
[21] Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.
[22] Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.

I still love Knox. I shall always love him and carry him with me. And I love you Jon and Rachel. I love you Anne Michal, Lizzy, Emma and Jack. I carry you, too, in my prayers. I am truly, so very sorry.