Malachi 1:2,3
"I have loved you," says the Lord.
"But you ask, 'How have you loved us?'
"Was not Esau Jacob's brother?" the Lord says. "Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals."

Why did God choose Jacob and not Esau? Did He not create them both? And we all know that Cain killed Abel. God could hear Abel's blood crying out to Him from the ground. Twins in the Bible. . .this is my struggle. Are there any twins in the Bible where God called them both, found favor in both, saved them both? Is there ever redemption for both? Being a twin myself, I have always joked that Marian was the good twin and I was the evil/bad twin. Marian HATES it when I say that, but there is a sense in where I am wondering, now, if this is true. God has given me a glimpse of my own character recently, and honestly, I am repulsed at what I see there. For it is in the midst of a tragedy that one reveals who he/she truly is. And in a very important split second, I ran away. My sister, in that same split second, ran straight forward. Why is that? What made us react so differently? I am so ashamed. . .What if the Lord says, "Yet I have loved Marian, but Hannah I have hated. . ." What if?

Part of me knows this cannot be, but part of me is really struggling. I feel like the last kid getting picked on the playground. I'm crying out to God, saying, "Please pick me. Choose me. Love me." I'm hearing a lot of silence. I am not attempting to be hard or difficult. I've been reading my Bible, praying, well, more like moaning and grunting, but all aimed at God nonetheless. I'm His child, at least I think I'm supposed to be. I've cried out to Him. Where is He? No, I wasn't there when He created the depths of the earth. I have no right to feel what I'm feeling, but I don't know how to change it. I remember my pastor in Oklahoma saying from the pulpit one time, "If Jesus never does anything else for you, ever, what He did on the cross should be enough." So that is where I cling, where I stand, where I kneel. If God never clears this up for me, He died for me. That is enough. I hope He has chosen me, for I believe in Him. I've asked Him to be my Savior. I am walking by faith; however weak it is, it is faith. My friend Ashlee reminded me that one day our faith will have eyes. Oh, how I long and hope for that day. I hope to see Jesus face to face and truly know that "Hannah, I have loved."