Tell me again. . .

Why I cannot fall from grace? Is "once saved always saved" good reformed theology? I'm only looking for scripture here and interpretation of scripture. Someone told me recently he didn't believe in hell and that if someone didn't choose God, then when he dies, he just disappears. Well, that is CERTAINLY NOT scripture and it was just something he made up to make him feel better. So, I don't want to exchange the Truth of God for a lie here. I want/need Truth.

Another close friend expressed to me concern recently that it was hard for her to believe that there would be people in hell that God loved. I did my best to argue the other side of that, but, in the end, I came away feeling depleted & a little sad. So, I'm genuinely asking for a little help from my friends here. . .

Isn't hell total separation from God and therefore His love also? And does God love everyone or just those He "elects", His chosen? Does it go against God's character to hate those He created? Can someone reject their own salvation? Scripture guys, I need scripture. Also, try and remember that I'm still just a girl. So, be gentle.