April 13-23 has come and gone again. . .

Whenever you see this:


or this:


or this:



you might possibly see pictures of children laughing, playing and being sweet together. I see that too. I do. But I also see a hole, the someone missing and the what would it be if. . .

That first pic is of Jack, Asa and Ayden playing together in the Old Baylor field last Spring. I can almost see Knox in this picture. Some of my favorite memories of Knox are of him following along as the "caboose" behind Ayden, Jack and Asa.

And then this Spring, we revisited Old Baylor field for another picnic where the kids flew kites. That's Anne Michal (Knox's sister) helping Asa get his kite in the air. She was so patient and loving with him and she was successful in her attempts and Asa had a blast flying his kite, mostly in part to Anne Michal's help. It's a sweet memory for me, but bittersweet too, because I also know that she would have done the same for her brother and I can almost see his blond head there instead of Asa's.

Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, we spent with family and friends celebrating. It is one of my favorite days all year. That's my brother-in-law, Wade (Uncle Wade to my kids and Pastor Wade to the other kids there), pushing Ayden in the rope swing. Jack and Asa are right there along side, half-waiting their turn and half-enjoying the fun that is being had just watching their friend/brother enjoy his turn. Again, I see the hole and wish again for that little blond head to be there in the mix of things.

A friend's comment yesterday on facebook really hit home when she said that Easter was an appropriate day to feel bittersweet feelings: feelings of thankfulness and joy that Jesus defeated sin and holds victory for us and yet feelings of bitter sadness that it was my sin that placed Him on the cross in the first place. So here I am, feeling bittersweetness. . .

You are missed Knoxy.

April 13th. . .again
The above picture was taken on Easter Sunday 2007. This is one of my son, Austin's, favorite memories of Knox. He says, smiling, "Knox liked to come and take the eggs out of my bucket."

Ugh. . .

I don't really know how to put into words all the emotion in my heart, so I'm gonna cop out of this one and tell ya to just click on the "Marian and Wade" link on the right. Her words are at least very similar to mine. I look forward to the day when I don't weep over the past, when all will be made right. . .

When we've been There 10,000 years
bright shining as the sun
There'll be no less days
to sing God's praise
than when we first begun

We miss you Knox. We know you are in a better place, but our hearts are still sad because we ache for your presence again.

Jon and Rachel, Anne Michal, Elizabeth, Emma, Jack and Creed you are in our thoughts and prayers. I love you.

Remembering Knox. . .

An Anderson picture often makes me smile and feel some sadness at the same time. There's always one missing. Here, it's Creed. Oh, how I grieve that he must wait a lifetime to meet his brother. There's a space between Jack and Creed that now, only Jesus can fill. I know Knox is in a better place, but I miss him and feel sadness for his family who misses him more than I.


This is how I remember Knox. It's Easter. He's holding onto a treasured egg he's found and he's got his sippy cup in hand just in case he gets thirsty. He's content. He's got his green paci and he's wearing his crocs. I can't tell it from this pic, but his nose is probably running too.


And if I had to pick a favorite picture of him, this would definitely make the top 5. It was taken that Wednesday, before THAT Friday. He's really happy. That was a lovely morning.


It's hard to believe these April days are upon us again. I'm sorry Jon and Rachel, Anne Michal, Elizabeth, Emma, Jack and Creed. You are continually in our thoughts and prayers. . .and even more so during these 10 days. I love you.

Asa's Thoughts

Asa has been thinking about Knox this week. One day he came in and said, "Mom, I'm mad about Knox."

I said, "I'm mad too."

He replied, "I wanted to play with him."

The next day he came into the kitchen and announced, "I want to play with Knox--tomorrow!" He then turned and walked out of the room.

Then, yesterday as we were discussing Creed's baptismal feast and where we were going for it, I told him we were going to the same house we went to for Knox's baptismal feast. Asa thought that meant we were going to see Knox and began clapping and yelling, "Yea! Knox!" I don't think I told him that Knox wouldn't be there. I figured he would find out soon enough.

Ugh!

We sure do miss you Knox. I think this would have been a very fun weekend for you.