Psalm 119:133
Direct my footsteps according to Your word; let no sin rule over me.
Sugar has ruled over me for much of my life and so this scripture convicts me every time I see it, hear it, read it, or pray it. I have attempted to go off of it a number of times in the past two years. I am giving it another try now. I tend to be an "all or nothin'" kind of gal and so it's just better for me if I can stay away from it all together. This time though, I am allowing myself a "treat" once a week while I'm on my date with Kevin and that gives me something of which to look forward. (This may actually negate the "all or nothing" mentality and so I confess that I struggle with having even some, but at the suggestion of several friends, I have allowed myself an "out" once a week.) I don't know, maybe that helps, maybe it hurts. I can't really tell at this stage. Since this is the second week, I am noticing some things about myself that I HOPE are just withdrawal symptoms. For one, I am SOOO emotional. For those of you who know me know I shed my fair share of tears, probably your fair share too. But this week. . .wow! I am like a roller coaster--up and down, up and down--cry, laugh, cry, laugh. Ugh. Somebody stop! I can't take it! And so, I digress. Secondly, I am tired and sleepy. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning and mid-day, I am ready for a nap. I guess it doesn't help that I have also given up aspartame. I made the switch from Diet Coke to unsweetened tea. I'm not very happy about that either.
On a more serious note, I know that part of what I am struggling with has to do with mourning Knox's death, maybe all of it has to do with Knox and I just need to be able to blame it on something else. I ask myself, "Is is ok that I still miss him, that it still hurts like this?" I struggle with mentioning it at all for fear that someone will tell me that I need to go on some drug to help me cope. And for the few who have suggested that to me, I know that you mean well and that you only recommended it because you love me, but I don't see myself taking that kind of step anytime soon. That is not the answer for me. It's just not. At any rate, my heart. . .my body. . .they're aching and hurting. I miss that little guy and I know his family misses him more. I find myself saying, "Ugh". That's all I got. . .Ugh!
So there ya go, this week, I blame it all on the sugar and the aspartame, or at least, the lack there of. And because I hate to leave you on a downer, here's a shot of how I think I feel and look this week. (Thanks to Marian for her wonderful gift of capturing a moment.) ;)
