Whenever you see this:
or this:
or this:
you might possibly see pictures of children laughing, playing and being sweet together. I see that too. I do. But I also see a hole, the someone missing and the what would it be if. . .
That first pic is of Jack, Asa and Ayden playing together in the Old Baylor field last Spring. I can almost see Knox in this picture. Some of my favorite memories of Knox are of him following along as the "caboose" behind Ayden, Jack and Asa.
And then this Spring, we revisited Old Baylor field for another picnic where the kids flew kites. That's Anne Michal (Knox's sister) helping Asa get his kite in the air. She was so patient and loving with him and she was successful in her attempts and Asa had a blast flying his kite, mostly in part to Anne Michal's help. It's a sweet memory for me, but bittersweet too, because I also know that she would have done the same for her brother and I can almost see his blond head there instead of Asa's.
Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, we spent with family and friends celebrating. It is one of my favorite days all year. That's my brother-in-law, Wade (Uncle Wade to my kids and Pastor Wade to the other kids there), pushing Ayden in the rope swing. Jack and Asa are right there along side, half-waiting their turn and half-enjoying the fun that is being had just watching their friend/brother enjoy his turn. Again, I see the hole and wish again for that little blond head to be there in the mix of things.
A friend's comment yesterday on facebook really hit home when she said that Easter was an appropriate day to feel bittersweet feelings: feelings of thankfulness and joy that Jesus defeated sin and holds victory for us and yet feelings of bitter sadness that it was my sin that placed Him on the cross in the first place. So here I am, feeling bittersweetness. . .
You are missed Knoxy.
